prétentieux

averruncusho:
“ definitely-not-lordenglish:
“ irridallium:
“ somebodylost-chan:
“ lovelyladylunacy:
“ edgaristhefox:
“ furbearingbrick:
“ trebled-negrita-princess:
“ blackgirlsinlove:
“ elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey:
“ mika-misaki2:
“ I don’t know...

mika-misaki2

I don’t know who Megan Kelly is but I wanna piss her off

elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey

dis bitch

blackgirlsinlove

“Verifiable fact” 😭😂

trebled-negrita-princess

I’d PISS ON HER tbh

furbearingbrick

btw Saint Nicholas, whom Santa Claus is based on, was a black guy

and we don’t know exactly what jesus looked like, but here’s an artistic reconstruction of an average 20-something male from his ethnic group at the time

DOES THIS LOOK FUCKING WHITE TO YOU

edgaristhefox

I want this post everywhere

lovelyladylunacy

jesus was represented more or less accurately as an ethnically jewish arab man up until the reign of pope alexander vi, in the late 15th century. since he was viciously persecuting roman jews during this time, alexander wanted to make them less sympathetic to the public, and did so in part by ordering that portrayals of jesus be based off of his son, cesare borgia.

the reason “jesus is white” is because someone purposefully attempted to alter the perception of history to benefit his goal of persecuting a targeted ethnic group.

somebodylost-chan

Ooh, interesting historical note.

irridallium

I don’t usually share posts like this but I always want to piss off Megan Kelly

definitely-not-lordenglish

Canon Santa not fanon Santa

averruncusho

The bible canon’s been muddled so much that Jesus could be a bald asian trans woman for all we know

andymorin

predictions for the inevitable coronavirus biopic:

it’s called PANDEMIC or CORONA or something in all caps
the opening scene is set in wuhan only they make it look really worn down and gross bc Foreign Nation
it stars the united states government and a random white man who contracts the virus and then has to quarantine apart from his family
either that or it’s some military dude who comes home from being stationed in wuhan for whatever reason
there’s an ed sheeran song in it
the celebrities singing imagine by john lennon is a scene in the movie and it’s portrayed as a heartrending moment of solidarity
the US government is portrayed handling the virus WAY better than they actually are
china is portrayed as the evil communist villains who didn’t stop the virus from spreading
i don’t know how the movie ends because we’re still living it
the ending title card says “dedicated to the 3827394 or something people who lost their lives due to COVID-19”
imagine by john lennon is the end credits song

schmaniel

there will be two, one big Hollywood production and one indie/foreign production focusing on one hospital/prison/genuinely effective administration that will go unnoticed until a decade later when we're hit by another pandemic and realize we didn't learn from our mistakes.

saturnineaqua

They will BOTH star scarlet Johansson

call-me-corvid

I put forth:

It’ll be, at least in part, a family comedy
Open on Dad, a military dude, packing up and preparing to return home from where he’s stationed in Wuhan (for whatever reason). He expresses excitement at seeing his family, but is nervous, because he’s been in China for 5 years with only occasional video chats as contact with his family. As OP said, Wuhan is portrayed as a dirty, depressing village, with wood shacks and citizens that are thankful for the American military being there to deter violent criminals or some shit.
He returns home. In the airport scene, when he meets his family, it is SUPER awkward. Family doesn’t look too excited. Daughter is disinterested, especially when Dad awkwardly points out how well she’s “blossoming into a woman.” Son is shy. Wife has a tight-lipled smile, and ducks away from a kiss. In the background, all Asian passengers disembarking from the plane look sickly and are coughing. A news report on a TV details the spread of the coronavirus in Wuhan.
They return home. His family is distant. His relationship with his wife (probably Scarlet Johansson) is strained because they don’t know how to be around one another anymore. Dad finds divorce papers in Wife’s desk but doesn’t mention them. Daughter is disrespectful and harbors anger at him for being deployed. His son, born right after or before he was deployed, is like a stranger to him that he can’t connect with (bonus points if Son’s a stereotypical autistic boy that is always silent (NO vocal stimming here folks!! No stimming of any kind!!) that is secretly a piano prodigy).
Gasp!! Coronavirus arrives on America’s shores!! Dad is diagnosed after showing the bare minimum of symptoms (he coughed twice, once while watching the news report of the virus in America, the other time at the doctor’s). The entire family is put into quarantine at their house. We never see Dad’s symptoms again.
Family drama. Wife and Dad have to learn to exist around one another again. Wife voices her fear of the coronavirus (she has a chronic condition that did not factor into the real pandemic, like glaucoma or something. This is either falsely implied to be a condition that heightens the coronavirus risk, or is played off as a “oh ho ho housewife so dumb” joke. OR she actually has diabetes, but her worry is still played off as a joke because “haha highstrung housewife”). Dad insists the Great American Military and Glorious President will solve this crisis very quickly. Wife disagrees. A fight occurs, and Dad reveals he knows about the divorce papers. Wife and Dad stop talking.
Running joke of the family’s pantry being stocked with toilet paper. It’s played off as a joke. Neighbors (disregarding the quarantine) keep stopping by and begging for a roll of toilet paper, as someone bought the whole stock at Costco and now there’s no more in the county to be found. Family always pretends they have none. This is also played off as a joke, and their hoarding is implied to be the correct decision.
Dad attempts to make the most of quarantine by reconnecting with his kids. He gives up with Son after he won’t let Dad play the piano with him. Daughter is disrespectul; a “I hate you” is thrown in for good measure. Cue comedy montage of Dad trying and failing to connect with Daughter, with multiple invasions of her privacy that are played off as jokes. He learns to Floss to try and be more connected with The Youth. It doesn’t work.
Don’t worry, the coronavirus is still there!! The audience gets an update from a news broadcast Wife is watching one morning, about chaos in grocery stores. President is shown taking the virus seriously, announcing that states are to institute lockdowns immediately, and factories are to increase/switch to the production of ventilators and P.P.E. in anticipation of high infection rates. Dad’s diagnosis is not mentioned. Death rates are not mentioned. The military is thanked for their quick response to the virus, although the exact response is not specified. The line “China didn’t stop their virus, so we will for them” is used.
Dad gets into fight with Daughter. Climax of the movie is when Daughter flees the house, going to her boyfriend’s. Dad and Wife panic, not because Daughter broke quarantine (bonus points if she was diagnosed with coronavirus offscreen), but because her boyfriend is a “goddless punk with no future” (all he does is smoke weed, which is legal in their state, to deal with anxiety, and wears a lot of black. Bonus points if he doesn’t smoke weed, just uses CBD, and it’s turned into a joke of the parents not understanding the difference between cannabis products and cannabinoid oil products. Bonus BONUS points if she’s 17 and he’s 18, and Dad freaks about because “he’s a legal adult preying on my baby”).
Wife and Dad resolve their differences and overcome all hurdles in their relationship instantaneously to rush across town—no mention of them breaking quarantine, either—and kicking down the boyfriend’s door to get Daughter.
Dad and Daughter have a fight, where Daughter reveals her inner turmoil over growing up without her Dad being there, mentioning how she is being bullied at school and never had her dad there to teach her how to defend herself, how “the country may have needed you but I needed you more.” All of her valid feelings are brushed away by Dad talking about the Glory of the Mighty Military and how he felt a call to serve, ending with a subpar apology and promise to do better that still somehow makes Daughter instantly forgive Dad. Daughter breaks up with boyfriend after expositionally stating he was just to help her self-esteem. Family returns home, where they left Son by himself. No mention is made of this.
Cut to a week later. Dad is in the backyard teaching Daughter how to do a judo throw that will definitely get her in trouble for using against her bullies when school is back in session. They hear music from the house, and go inside to find Son playing “Imagine” on the piano. He stops when Daughter and Dad come in, gets off the bench, and brings Dad over. The two play together, and Dad and Daughter sing the lyrics to the song.
Wife records a video of them singing together on her phone, and posts it online, where it’s an immediate viral sensation, with celebrities picking it up and adding their own videos. Montage of real footage of celebrities singing the song. Cut to news broadcasts, with a choir still singing “Imagine” in the background, announcing the pandemic is over, that American’s prevailed again and found a cure, that the quarantine is being lifted. Cut to groups around the country (and the world; there’s a group watching from a restauraunt in Paris, in London, on the military base Dad left, etc.) cheering and saying “about time!” “Imagine” continues to play throughout this segment, obviously.
Cut to Wife and Dad sitting in the backyard as the sun goes down. The song has transitioned back to a simple piano cover. They sit before a bonfire, in each others’ arms, watching the sunset while an American flag flaps in the breeze. Bonus points if Son speaks for the first time, and his words are “Fuck coronavirus.” Pan down to the bonfire, which is fueled by the divorce papers Dad found earlier.
Fade out to the credits (“Imagine,” John Lennon. Obviously.) with the caption “Dedicated to the brave first responders, military members, and administration that saved the world from COVID-19, and the X,XXX,XXX Americans who lost their lives.” No mention of deaths in other countries.
Fin.

fruitpunch493

what the fuck emrys

call-me-corvid

this took me an hour

assassinprocrastinator

I already can't stand this.

prétentieux

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.